Milkboys, Inside the Carton

Reincarnation

carton — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:10:10 +0000

It’s odd… I feel like I’m being reborn right now, as time goes on things change, along with my way of thinking. My moms co-workers seem to have forgotten about my homosexuality already and no ones mentioned it, she’s started to give me access to the truck while my dad gives me money for gas / food, After I came back some friends talked to me and I ended up driving us to a nearaby lake on Thursday… It was amazing and I loved every second, even though I don’t consider all of them my true friends, I loved it for the friends I do have and the hillarious and amazing time we had. I scared away a guy who joined our group because he heard I was gay but I didn’t care, he reminded me of someone I didn’t like in highschool. Oh and the driving was amazing, We ended up racing a soccer-mom in a van (we raped her face :P), she flipped us off and I honestly just felt like matching her speed… I could of gone wayyy faster, ah well my friends still gave me props for showing off however unintentional it was. We whent again today (Friday) and ended up packing 7 people into my truck, 3 up front and 4 in the back (Keep in mind the front has 2 seats with no room between really, while the back has 2 smaller seats and a small amount of space inbetween), I felt sorry yet so humorous whenever I took a sharp turn or pulled a retard move (Such as rave dancing to Everytime We Touch (Cascada) and… according ot jesse at least… nearly running off the road). Oh and this girl got obsessed with me, awesome rack and body, smoked though, and I’m gay (Yes I can still rate girls :P), she never found out but it made me laugh rather then feel amorous when I held her while jumping into the water or let her ride on my back / stomach as I swam back to shore. I look noticeably darker now too :). Well overall… I feel a lot more outdoor orientated and it makes me happy… Oh and I also forgot to mention my computer at home is now completely dead, I’m amazed it lasted this long. It’s currently impossible to get to even the login screen without blue screening, and there’s no available system restore points and startup repair always ends up crashing so ahh well, 2000$ down the drain but I heard a rumour my moms considering buying a new laptop for me so I have increased chances of graduating this school year (7.5 credits to go, and my school offers 7 classes per semester at .5 credits each… so i need to find a way to make .5 extra credits and pass all my classes, or make 1.5 extra credits…) Sorry for the long post but… this is just how I feel now :). Also I haven’t seen Nick since last saturday, I hope he’s doing fine too… and I love him, but I honestly do believe if I find someone good I wouldn’t think twice about d.. that’s a lie… but I really don’t know if I can love him the same after him dumping me… after he woke up crying from a dream of me dumping him and I promised I’d never dump him… after asking me if I’d marry him if he proposed to me… after everything (Shit I’m crying in public). I got propositioned for sex from an extremely good looking 18 year old the night before my computer died, I felt so numb I invited him over… he was waiting out front my house while I talked to one of my good friends on msn and I finally decided against it… he drove off incredibly fast, And I’m so glad I resisted the temptation… sex can be fun but… I want it to be intimate… between me and someone I love… when we’re comfortable with it. Love Love Love, Me Me Me, Extrovertive old Will <3 <3 <3, Later!

Lifes almost back up :)

carton — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 09:17:46 +0000

Sorry for the lack of decent posts of late, this family troubles been incredible and… Through a display of force… I’m finally getting my social life back :P. On the plus side I had some interaction with the neighborhood kids and someone I’ve yet to talk of on this blog…. and this kid really has his way of messing with me :P, in a good and bad way.

Life = Over for a year

carton — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 23:37:45 +0000

My moms work friends found out I’m gay because my moms lesbian friend let it slip… She’s not giving me any money now… I’m just stuck at home… No more going to the game place I work at… I can’t get a job because I’d have no way to get there.. not allowed to use truck.. nothing

I

carton — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:35:05 +0000

Well tonight I had another all nighter at the game place! All night playing video games… I was looking forward to Wesley (a very cute yet semi shy redhead I met there months ago) who said he’d likely be coming and was adamant I had to spend the entire night with him (Like I was complaining :P), sadly he didn’t show up and I was rather annoyed that Nick was going as it made me sad to see him not knowing why he dumped me and caused me to lose faith in love. Thankfully Spencer Strickland came, one of my close friends I’ve known for a long time who I generally only talk to on xbox live… which I haven’t played in months therefore we have lost touch. He’s rather unique, to anyone who isn’t aquainted with him he’d appear a egotistical jerk, but once you get to know him he’s quite humorous and fun… not to mention beautiful and sly. (Also I believe he’s a closeted homosexual or bisexual). Apparently Spencer has a past with Nick.. a bad one… he whent on about how in middle school Spencer and a large group of other people used to make fun of Nick all the time for liking Naruto (an anime), really not a good reason whatsoever but adolescents always need someone to torment, even if it’s just for being themselves. I’m assuming it was to give me comfort for Nick dumping me but Spencer ended up walking over to Nick and logging him off his computer and harrasing him about his past in middle school and being gay until he left so me and spencer could sit by eachother. I felt so bad I ended up buying Nick KFC and hugging him… Thankfully another friend had brought some Whisky to the all nighter and after some liquid courage I started to talk to Nick about how I still loved him and wanted to know why he dumped me… turned out he was scared because of our sex life, he wanted to be together again but to take it slow as he dosen’t want it to be about sex rather then love (My fears exactly).

And now lifes a blur of happiness again, the only thing annoying me is a crush on Spencer that’s been strengthened, tonight he seemed abnormally homosexual, and he didn’t even defend himself when I brought up how he always hints towards it like how he mentioned that if he was gay that he’d never tell anyone and would deny it, or that he’d never come out of the closet. at times we even ended up in intimate positions randomly such as when I forced him to stay in his chair with me on top of him after he poured a salt packet on Nick, or after he made fun of Nick behind the game place I wrestled him to the ground and I’m not quite sure we weren’t cuddling on the ground for a good 3 minutes. Finally towards the end of the night we were holding hands in a gridlock for dominance and the look in his eyes was adorable and reminded me of a lovestruck … me! :P. I’m wondering if he’s going to finally come out of the closet… it’d be great having another homosexual friend between nick and me! And well… Spencers always been a dream guy of mine with his attitude which meshes oh so well with mine, even if he has been mean to Nick… He’s been a good person to me the entire time I’ve known him :).

My Three Familys

carton — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:03:24 +0000

I need someone to talk to right now… I Feel like I’m becoming a mess with these arguements between my mother and me…. There’s been two other familys in the past year that have expressed their willingness to take me in and adopt me as well as their love for me but my mother always cried and begged me to come back to which I offered no resistance… and even if I had the law would be on her side and force me to return home. Both of these familys were extremely poor but they had love… something I rarely experience in my family…. One family had 3 sons who became extremely close to me and all loved me in a sexual (Yet intimate) way though none of the 3 knew that the other 2 had the same feelings for me… They became some of the closest friends I’ve ever had though I’ve lost touch with them as my mom no longer allows me anywhere close to where I’d see them. The other family was a extremely christian family that I spent hardly 2 nights with before losing touch with them… my mother promised if she ever heard of me being with them again she’d use every resource in her disposal to make them lose their home… and with her job as a collection manager I don’t think that’d be hard to do to their family…. I wish I was with either of those familys right now…. I want to be in a happier place right now….

La La La Love

carton — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:51:35 +0000

Ya know I said I’ve given up on it, but it only takes until you meet someone new that you fall for that it comes back again. Well I’ve known this guy for a while, he’s probably the shyest person at the gameplace I work at. He makes me feel warm inside and happy. I guess it’s more of a crush or lust then love but I like this feeling :).

“Meishione”

carton — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:43:21 +0000

This is a comment someone posted me… it’s one of the things that inspires me is that I know if I stay openly gay, and provide a positive example then perhaps it’ll make another GBLT persons life better…. though it’s not just for them I want to make life better it’s for everyone. My best friend Brandon R. got dumped by a girl again last night and was / is really depressed and said he’s considering turning gay because of how sad he is… I don’t want anyone to be sad…. and I’ll start by trying to help GLBT’s out by living life my chosen way as that’s where I believe I can help most.

“Hi I found my way to your site and I just thought you seem deep and sweet and awesome and I really hope everything works out great for you because you probably deserve it (I’m 15, female, openly bi, and completely for gay rights :])”

What do I want…

carton — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:20:29 +0000

Ya know, I could move to Texas and be with my sister… I could be closeted and be one of those beautiful popular people, I know how to manipulate people in all the right ways, perhaps that’s how I made a large number of homophobes homo-tolerant / friendly? I could play sports with people… I could get invited to every party and do whatever any normal rich beautiful heterosexual / closeted person can do. But… I want to stay here more then I want to leave, everything I stand for would be lost by going back in the closet and abandoning everything I’ve made in Washington. I’ve lived the way I want others to be able to comfortably live in the future, I”ve stayed out of the closet for 3 years now, I’ve made some extremely homophobic people become close friends of mine (Even though I don’t consider them friends in the least now), and there’s still a future for me here I suppose.

For now… I need to decide, will I attempt to become friends with Tyler and them again, I haven’t played basketball in over a year now because of losing touch with them… should I practice now? Am I comfortable with this? I suppose I’ll go outside and do some practice shots shirtless (tan + practice at once!). And tomorrow I’m going to get back on track with my social life and go to marysville and see if there’s anyone there to chill with. I suppose I should be proud of myself for still holding hope… I wouldn’t be surprised if another person with a past similar to mine would of just killed themself rather then continue on through this gauntlet of life.

Sorry for the break…

carton — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:57:14 +0000

And it’s continuance…. I’m just in far too bad of a negative mood, this will be my 2nd or third day just staying at home all day sleeping. Whenever I hear the sound of a basketball bounceing I know tylers outside, I look… and I see him and his friends playing in the park… I wish I had never become uncloseted… maybe I should take my moms offer to move to Texas with my sister and start over again. I’ll go the closeted path, I’ll party with the group my sister knows down there…. I’ll do whatever….. just .. I don’t want to be this sad human being I am now. I don’t even believe in love anymore.
~Will

carton — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 08:57:20 +0000

Today was really… something relieving, I woke up and had a easy morning… I didn’t even remember how horrible the last few days have been. The shower felt great, the perfect outfit was right by each other in my dresser, and I air dried my hair in the car instead of wasting half an hour on it like I usually do, and after a mindless car ride to work I combed it and… looked awesome! Since I can drive now… it’s not suprising random people had me driving all over the place, I made 25$ (though I’m guessing I wasted 10$ in gas) driving people around, and we had fun doing it… though 2 out of the 3 people said I’m the worst driver they’ve ever had and they could’ve sworn we were going to die. I do believe I’m going down the path of love again… or of male whoredome, my friend Nick had me meet his best friend in middle school who turned out gay, and he seems to be flirting with me, isn’t bad looking, and has similair philisophical beliefs to me and should be an interesting guy to get to know, also I’m meeting Milkin Mikey (another blogger) tomorrow at my works 2 year anniversary! Finally the third friend I drove today had me take him home (Everette WA), the place was gay heaven! I thought a guy was checking me out at the Everette mall once but… the guy I drove home (will) told me that Everette has a lot of gay guys, and I saw a awesome couple making out near his house, and gay guys all over the place! Perhaps there are more homosexuals then I thought in Washington… maybe I should hang out around there more often :). The party side isn’t closing it’s door yet, an old friend introduced me to his stoner friend tonight and is trying to convince me to drink with him soon, plus Nick seems to regrett dumping me as he’s been trying to get my attention all day today and is wearing the most seductive outfits I can imagine (Skin tight Jean, my favorite shirt of his, and doing everything he can to try to get me alone with him). Ah well…. I’m tired now, today was awesome and I need to wake up early to work on the decorations for www.spacestationgames.com ’s two year anniversary!